a lilttle late for 2009

ok, seems like i haven't blogged as much as i had wanted, and this has become more like a new year's resolution list thing instead...

first off, follow-up from last year's:

*be involved--finally joined another small group, started volunteering for children's ministry and it's loads of fun, except i have to wake up 1 hour earlier than usual, and it's only once a month
*read through the Bible--it's going to this year's again, and i haven't copied it out yet... one step at a time!
*get healthier--hmm... i'll have to stop eating out less.... and late as well.  i paid 205 for a gym membership that i shamefully only went once to......... will join a cheaper one instead (75) and will have swimming buds so i'll have more incentive to go to. and if i don't, i will be wasting less :)
*sleep more--not possible, but thankfully, i'm aging, so i naturally fall asleep earlier than usual, like the old folks ~1am?
*work on my website--nope, not going to bother w/ this.  haven't touched it at all.  maybe i'll just do blogging, but my life is pretty boring, so i don't even know if there's anything for me to blog about.  and i can't btch about ppl at work since this is public! hahaha so maybe i'll just have a selective audience, will have to think through it when i'm not in a food coma like now........

for 2009, i actually didn't make a list, or didn't really think about it...

i guess if i have to make one is:

-read the bible through the year (again)--and i'm already more than a week behind.  i gotta catch up...

*be healthier, i don't want to die in pain, or live in pain in my old age (yes, turning 30 makes me think of death more). and with my family history of illnesses, i'm sure i'll have any of the following: diabetes, heart disease, cancer (various kinds), high blood pressure, just to name a few

*find a husband--seriously, well not really and i'm not really active about it.  yes, turning 30 also made me think about it more.  when i went to college, i was young and naive at 18, i had my life mapped out--graduate at 22, marry at 24, have kids at 26.  yup, i'm way behind...  though i do have 6 kids, none of which are really mine though.  and no, i don't think i'm picky

*awaHoh--i had this in my email signature for a long time, which i recently (in the past year or 2) simplified to just -sam and no quote.  so, i want to be more of "a woman after His own heart" i guess awaGoh is better but i liked the H more.  follow up from last year, i guess i feel my life is just idling by.  and seeing how ppl live their lives, has made me wonder how do i want to live out the rest of mine?

-am i satisfied with just working for corporate America, and buying a nice home, and just work work work then retire?  well, i believe the world is God's mission field.  i don't necessarily have to work in the ministry to be a missionary for God, but am i being sucked into being a salary-woman and not be a Christian working in a secular world?

-do i really need a husband to complete my existence?   i'm not condemning all married folks, but perhaps a life of singleness in service of Our Lord is what is more suited for me.  and i hate  how society and my family, esp my parents, think the normal course in life is to be born, go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, have grandkids, etc then what?  just die?

so, after all these years, i still don't know what God wants me to do.  but i also don't want to get hung up on finding my calling, that i miss out on what God is currently giving me...  i guess it's to make my personal vision more God-bound but not abandoning earth altogether... not sure if i'm making any sense

*be nicer to people i don't like.  well, i guess even to people that i like.  i just need to stop being sarcastic and mean--but then am i still me?  taming my tongue, especially with my mom.  being nice to certain co-workers i'm quite cold with.  working on that really hard and have to make sure i'm not being fake either.  i guess i just need to remember that God loved even me, so how or why should i be picky about who i love?  i guess i just need to think twice or thrice before i say anything......

ok, enough for now